Therefore I am Bad

There is a tendency in my thinking to observe "things" about myself and then to arrive at the conclusion that I am deficient and therefore should feel bad about myself. I used the word "things" because that word is sufficiently vague to cover the various categories of "things" to which I am referring. For example, a thing could be an embarrassing memory, a bad habit, recent performance, prospects for the future or the various aspects of the state of my present life. The list is endless. But the point of this post is to recognize this dynamic. I observe these things and then I conclude that I am deficient and should therefore should and do feel bad about myself.

I've recently been reading a book on Buddhist meditation. This is not the first time that I have exposed myself to the Buddhist mode of thought. However, like most learning experiences something is not fully appreciated at first glance but rather appreciation deepens with each repeated exposure. So, even though the material in this book is familiar to me, the experience of the material this time around has deepened and specifically has allowed me to witness this dynamic rather that be swallowed up by it.

Now let's return to the thought tendency I described in the first paragraph. By taking a step back from the thought rather than immediately feeling bad upon experiencing a "thing" I now see that there is something akin to a choice which is skipped over. I don't have to feel bad after experiencing the thing because the badness I attach to the thing is exactly that. It is badness that I attached to it. In reality (define as you wish) the things are neither good nor bad but merely things. It is the inability to see this that has kept me imprisoned within this tendency. Hopefully this realization will facilitate my liberation.