Day Six - You Can Lead a Horse to Water...

I'm feeling good about making it through the first weekend. Actually I really have not been tempted in anyway so far and enjoying the sobriety. I had some gastrointestinal issues last week that seemed to have almost completely resolved so I believe I am over the first hump of my body adjusting to the new routine.

I've been thinking about the following statement, "you can lead a horse to water but you can't make him drink." Morpheus in the Matrix gives Neo a similar instruction, "I can only show you the door. You have to walk through it" (or something like that). I've been thinking about this idea within the context of a dialogue I've been having with an acquaintance of mine who made the transition from Roman Catholicism to Evangelicalism. I have discussed with him some of the problems I've been having in my life and he has suggested that I talk to a "Christian" (i.e., evangelical) counselor. I expressed some misgivings and he made the statement "you can lead a horse to water..." Now, the way I initially interpreted this statement is that the horse is too ignorant to drink the water. But after thinking about this for a while I have come to a new interpretation. It's not that the horse is ignorant necessarily but that the horse does not know if the water is in fact water. Perhaps it is poison. I am beginning to see that all of the struggles in my life tend to boil down to one common denominator - for whatever reason I subordinate my own wants and needs to those of others. There is a sense that I am not entitled to enjoy the fruits of life that everyone else is. One result of this mindset is that I have a strong motivation to look good in the eyes of others and to avoid looking bad. When I perceive that I look bad it has historically hit me hard. So now back to the horse at the water. I want to make sure that I really want to drink the water because I know it is good for me and not to drink it because I think that the person who has led me to the water would want that.

--GJC