Sometimes

Sometimes I feel like I am missing out on life by not being able to live authentically and by subjecting myself to miserable experiences over and over again. Other times I feel like it is my journey to overcome this painful cycle. Not that the cycle is necessarily an integral part of the education process. Looking at this from the perspective that I am missing out is subjecting myself to more misery. Viewing the process as a journey takes a step back from the misery. It does not dispel the misery but it does lessen it somewhat.

Authentic Living and the Hero's Journey

If I look at my life in terms of a hero's journey from living inauthentically to living authentically, I can see a couple of different options. First, I could still be in the ordinary world having repeatedly received my call to adventure at various points in my life but having refused the call up to this point. The call to adventure in this instance would be the call to stop living my life as I perceive others would want me to live it and live it as I want to. Or second, I could be on the approach to the inner most cave, wherein I will face the ordeal that will fundamentally change me (i.e., the reward and resurrection). I could be facing the ordeal now as we speak. In either scenario I think the fundamental issue involves making the decision to live life on my own terms but also to know that is the right thing to do. Perhaps the knowledge part is the reward received after facing the ordeal.

Reintegration Into the Ordinary World

As an exercise in functioning within the Ordinary World I will now embark on a mission to see if I can attract more viewers to the Lentmen blog. I am curious to see how this is accomplished and there is no better education (for most things) than to attempt to do them yourself. One idea I have is to write about topics related to common interest with the expectation that people using search terms related to them will be directed (indirectly?) to this blog.

According to www.ask.com the following is a list of the most popular search terms for the week ending April 10th:

1. MySpace
2. Facebook
3. What does my name mean
4. How much should I weigh
5. How to get pregnant
6. YouTube
7. Craigslist
8. Vin Diesel
9. Dictionary
10. Burnout Alley

Okay then. Let's first talk about Myspace and Facebook. Well, I tried to look into Myspace once but found it very complicated and soon after gave up on it. Later on I discovered Facebook which was much easier to use. I originally looked into Facebook intending to track down some people I had lost touch with many years ago. Surprisingly, I tracked down the intended people with ease. Coincidentally, I got back in touch with other people around the same time not through Facebook but there must have been some kind of likeminded nexus at work behind the scenes. Anyway, time passed and I gradually got sucked into Facebook far more than I was comfortable with. People keep sending me their updates which then in turn sends me into the following mental exercise. First, I marvel at how more interesting and fulfilling everyone else's life seems in comparison to mine. I then ask the question, "should I be posting my status?" To which the response, "who the hell cares about my status?" is typically offered. But then I think, "Oh come on! You're just being antisocial. All these other people post their statuses seemingly without the same hang up." But then I try to think of a status update and cannot come up with anything suitably witty. I then generally become disgusted with the whole process at that point. The upshot? If you are prone to this type of thinking stay away from Facebook. I wish someone had this talk with me a few months back. So that's Myspace and Facebook. Stay tuned for "What does my name mean?" Actually, I'm not sure how I will write about that one without revealing my name but I'm sure I will come up with something.

Please visit the blog often and be sure to click on the advertisements. So far I've had about 170 page impressions (meaning the webpage was viewed 170 times) but no one has clicked on an add. Following these instructions will make my experiment a success. Tell a friend.

Anticlimax

Lent 2009 is now over. The seal has been broken. The stone has been rolled away. I have returned with the elixir from the special world back into the ordinary world. This brings to mind a reoccurring dynamic. I expect things outside of myself to make me feel whole and end up being disappointed when they do not. Lent is just another example of this. I expect to go through the rigors of Lent and come out whole on the other side. I expect that those habits which made me feel un-whole before Lent will somehow make me whole when I return to them after taking some time off. Perhaps the mere recognition of this dynamic is a positive step.

Day Thirty Nine - Thoughts and Reflections on the Eve of the Fortieth Day

It is the eve of the Fortieth day of Lent. Tomorrow is Palm Sunday marking the beginning of Holy Week, the third act of Lent. I have lived (almost) through forty days of sobriety and have seven more to go. Looking back on the first and second acts I know that I have moved into a more honest space. Is it a happier space? In some ways yes because it is liberating. In some ways no, because it is easier to be happy when insulated from torment. It is an ignorant bliss, however. I have worked on TT, although not to the extent I had hoped. Still, I came to realize that these goals I set for myself can become tormentors, and that certainly was not the point of the goals in the first place. I am surprised that being sober was not at all difficult. I think my drinking was fear based and now that I have not had alcohol to insulate myself from my fear I can see that my fears were to a large extent unfounded or perhaps exaggerated is a better description. There are problems yes, but they are only problems and not whatever I feared they would be. So, what can be learned from Act One and Act Two? I have left the ordinary world of drinking and crossed the threshold into the special world of sobriety. But Lent is more than just sobriety. It is a state of mind. It is a striping down, a simplification, an approach to the bare essence. Sobriety has its role to play there because it forces me to see things (to a certain extent) as they are. To the extent that sobriety accomplishes that task, that is its importance. I cannot say that I have approached the inmost cave and faced my ordeal. There is a week to go, but perhaps that will happen after Lent. For the story of Lent is a microcosm of the macrocosm. In its third act, Christ enters Jerusalem on Palm Sunday (the approach to the inmost cave), he overturns the money changer's tables and is arrested and convicted (the ordeal). He is then crucified (the road home), he dies and rises from the dead (resurrection), and then returns to tell his loved ones to be not afraid of death (return with the elixir). So even if I do not face my ordeal before the end of Lent, I perhaps will construct a mental or spiritual road map.

Day Fourteen - The Allure of the Altered Mental State

I remember once a long time ago a good friend asked me what was the allure of an altered mental state ("AMS"). I answered the allure was "that it brings you closer to death." Now, this answer sprang forth without much thought but I had the sense even at the time I said it that there was truth to it. I never took the statement to mean that I wanted to die but rather that a glorious mystery lay beyond the veil of death and that experiencing that mystery (or even partially experiencing it) would be wonderful. As such, achieving an AMS was an attempt on some level to approach that veil and peak underneath. Recently however, I thought about this statement in the context of the "Hero's Journey" and have come to see it in a new light. There is a stage in the hero's journey when he undergoes a symbolic death whereby he is transformed from his original flawed self and reborn as a more perfect self. It occurred to me that perhaps seeking an AMS is an attempt on some level to undergo (symbolically or otherwise) the death of the self in order that the self might be transformed and reborn into something better. Often times we seek the AMS when things are not right in the world. And perhaps the AMS has a role to play in transforming the self. But perhaps the desire for an AMS itself is a message from the deeper self that change is desired and change is needed.

Day Ten - The Lenten Journey

In "The Writer's Journey," the author Christopher Vogler maps out 12 distinct stages that appear in most stories. These stages are (1) the ordinary world, (2) the call to adventure, (3) the refusal of the call, (4) meeting with the mentor, (5) crossing the first threshold, (6) tests, allies, enemies, (7) approach to the inmost cave, (8) the ordeal, (9) reward, (10) the road back, (11) the resurrection, and (12) Return with the Elixir. These stages are based upon the philosophy of Joseph Campbell and Carl Jung. Campbell and Jung spoke mostly about ancient myths and the common themes that run through them. Vogler took these themes and applied them to modern story writing particularly in the realm of film. These stages are archetypes - meaning that they tap into something deep within the common subconscious shared by all humans. Stories that are powerful, that move large groups of people, that are popular or commercially successful - have these qualities because they resonate with people on many levels. Likewise, they resonate with people because they touch upon the "truths" of human experience. "Human Experience" is one of those things that falls into the category of "I can't define it, but I know it when I see it." It is gnosis not episteme. That is, it is an experiential type of knowledge that cannot be readily explained to someone else who has not had a similar experience. "I can only show you the door. You must walk through it," said Morpheus to Neo in the Matrix. In the following blog entries I would like to explore these stages in greater detail and relate them to Lent because I see parallels between the two phenomena. Specifically, the person who takes Lent seriously is embarking on a hero's journey of his own. If these stages tap into truth on the story level, it must also be true that they tap into truth on the life level as well. Why else would they resonate?

--GJC

Addendum:

I tried working through the various stages in relation to Lent, but I found that there was not necessarily enough material for each stage. I have decided to attach what I have written to this post and perhaps I will add more information if a thought occurs to me.

I. The Ordinary World

The hero's journey begins in "the ordinary world" which is the world in which the hero feels accustomed to. The journey begins when the hero feels the pull from "ordinary world" to enter the "special world". This pull is sparked by something which is not right and requires fixing about the ordinary world.

In Lent we leave the ordinary world of pre-Lent and enter into the special world of Lent. Of course, the only reason that Lent becomes a special world is because we choose to make it so. As such it is our own choice to walk through the door by taking on certain disciplines.

II. The Call to Adventure

The call to adventure is different for differnt people. For my part, the call to Lenten adventure comes from within me. It is a call telling me that my life is out of balance and I must take action to bring it back into balance. This is not an easy thing to do. It require an honest self inventory of that which has taken life out of balance and then taking action to address the situation.

III. The Refusal of the Call

In this stage of the hero's journey, the hero initially rejects the idea of embarking on the adventure. I find it difficult to relate this stage to a singular Lent, however, if I look at Lent over a lifetime I can see that in my younger years I did not treat Lent seriously. However, as I got older I realized that Lent was more than just another religious experience to make a person feel bad about themselves but rather is an opportunity to embark on a spiritual adventure.

IV. Meeting the Mentor

There are two mentors in Lent, the self and God and perhaps the two are one.

V. Crossing the First Threshold

I suppose the first weekend without alcohol was the first threshold to cross.

VI. Tests, Allies, Enemies

These are the tests that prepare the hero for the ordeal to come.

VII. Approach to the Inmost Cave

This is the preparation phase before the ordeal.

VIII. The Ordeal

This is the first major challenge that the hero has prepared for and the begining of the hero's fundemental transformation.

IX. The Reward

After defeating the oposing force of the ordeal the hero reaps the reward.

X. The Road Home

After the ordeal has been surmounted and the reward has been taken the hero often experiences a lull where his new found wisdom is tested. It is one thing to have an epiphany but quite another to internalize the lessons learned and apply them to a new challenges. Here the hero is tested once more and often the test is more dire than the ordeal. In this final and supreme test the old hero dies and the new hero is born.

XI. Resurrection

The hero is then reborn fundementally changed. He has internalized the lessons and transformative power of the journey.

XII. Return with the Elixir

The hero then returns to his starting point bringing back the lessons learned which allow him to set right that which was wrong in the ordinary world.