Interview With A Friend on Making Decisions (Part I)

In Lentman's continuing series of interviews with his life long friends he now turns to a particular friend chosen for his seemingly masterful ability to make decisions to shape his life as he sees fit. Enjoy.

LENTMAN : You have always impressed me by your ability to make choices to improve your life even if it brought about the disapproval of others. First of all, is this an accurate description of your state of mind? If not, why not? If so, what do you attribute this to?

FRIEND : I find this to be a really interesting question, and I've been thinking about it quite a bit. The timing of the question is also interesting since we have just gone through the process of deciding as a family whether to relocate. With three kids it will be a big change, and it's challenging to alter the course of so many lives. Still, after much deliberation, we arrived at the conclusion that it is a worthwhile and positive change to make.

I believe that approval and disapproval of other people more-or-less balance out. There will likely be people who won't like the change, but there are also others who will like it. But actually, that doesn't really matter. I'm assuming in your question that the people who disapprove are outside of my immediate family. Obviously, disapproval by my immediate family could not be so easily disregarded. Their happiness and mine are interwoven. They are dependent on me, so I must weigh their concerns. But with regard to those who are not dependent on me, since it is impossible to please everyone, it's probably not worth the trouble of trying. I try to do what's best for my family, and let the chips fall where they may.

Also, if the change we're talking about is one that would truly improve my life as the question states (and presumably the lives of my family), then the people that matter would surely approve. If they were to disapprove of an improvement in my life, then they probably don't care too much about me, so why should I care what they think?

So, what do I attribute this to? I'm not sure. Decisions are hard for me, so I try to simplify them. Considering too many factors would make them even harder. Also, to get a little Freudian, I had very little freedom as a child. As an adult I value my independence and sometimes resent it when I feel like someone is trying to control me. Disapproval may actually spur me on.